If Donald Trump Were an Art Critic…
Source:Hyperallergic Author:Hrag Vartanian Date: 2017-09-07 Size:
Where do we hide from the Trumpification of the United States……

Where do we hide from the Trumpification of the United States? I really have no idea, and now, two self-proclaimed “beautiful boys” have decided that imagining Trump as an art critic would be funny. And it kind of is. Sure, the Cheeto-in-chief is tweeting about nuclear war but the art comes first.

Whoever is writing this definitely gets part of the tone right, even if they are missing the typos, random punctuation, and signs of mental breakdown.

For Gustave Courbet’s “Origin of the World” (1866) — I’m sure you can see where this is going — Mr. Covfefe Critic offers this wisdom:

This is a great painting. Beautiful. I had to whip out my phone and snap a pic. You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star they let you do it. Apparently, this is Courbet, I guess him and this guy Manet are the grandfathers of modernism. Without them you don’t get any of that cropping and flattening of form that leads to abstraction. I don’t know about you but I am surely attracted to this “form.” I’d grab her by the p…hold that thought, I gotta fire some guy named Mooch.

Sounds too coherent to be “modern” Presidential, right? And trompe-l’œil painters? Hacks! Fake Painting! :

The lying and dishonest Trompe-l’œil painters, with their fake shadows and phony perspective, won’t fool those who voted to Make the Art World Great Again!

Yup, you guessed it, that’s the IG critic’s slogan.

Here he is in a Yayoi Kusama Infinity room:

I kept hearing tremendous things about this Yayoi Kusama show so I took some time away from golf to go check it out. Very cool – huge crowds of people waiting in line to take a selfie. One of the best things about being president is that I get to skip the lines regular people have to wait in because the president’s time is very valuable. I think mine turned out great. Boy, they had a lot of people there. The press will say it was about 200 people, but it looked like about 45,000 people. They set a record. Like the other millions and millions of people that came out and voted for Make America Great Again. I've known so many great people. Winners. #YayoiKusama

A post shared by Donald J Trump – Art Critic (@djtrump_artcritic) on Aug 3, 2017 at 1:56pm PDT

Terrifying! And he even has an opinion about Cindy Sherman’s own Instagram feed:


A post shared by Donald J Trump – Art Critic (@djtrump_artcritic) on Aug 7, 2017 at 3:43pm PDT

And needless to say we know who his favorite artist is:

Jeff Koons is really a tremendous artist. And his ex-wife Ilona is in such good shape in this piece of art from the '90s. She's in such good physical shape. Beautiful. I’d really love to have one of these for my bedroom at Mar-a-Lago and I know Melania would love it, too. Somebody look into that and give Jeff a call. Really terrific. #jeffkoons

A post shared by Donald J Trump – Art Critic (@djtrump_artcritic) on Jul 27, 2017 at 4:26pm PDT

Anyone surprised?

Judging by the paintings they chose early on and the art world-y tone, I’m going to guess these are two white hipsters who are (or aspire to be) affiliated with a downtown Manhattan gallery.

Either way, we need to laugh.

[Editor] 张艳